I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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