Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
