No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize