DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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