you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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