it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
