Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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