If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
