I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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