i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
