ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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