I love black thongs
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
