Even the bartender felt bad for me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
