I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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