I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
