a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
