she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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