when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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