Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
