if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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