Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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