Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
