Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
