You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
