I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
