it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
