We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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