just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
