I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
