I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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