My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
