im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize