I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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