I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
