Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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