there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
