Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
