I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
