Where is the hickey?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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