Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
