Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
