now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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