so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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