P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
