Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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