seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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