So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
