He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
