i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
