yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If i come over, it means nothing
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
