The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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