you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
