Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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