I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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