Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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