I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
