He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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