Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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