Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
