do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
