I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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