Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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