Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
