I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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