saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
