Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
