i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
