You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
