this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
