Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The power of my boobs compel you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
