I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
