eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
