New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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