Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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