I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
