Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
