be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize