Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
